It’s no big surprise to some of you that I am a “little” hard to get along with. I am somewhat judge mental, not “too much” in a bad way. I just expect a certain amount of common sense, intellect, wit, and just all around awesomeness out of people, and more so out of my friends. Not to toot my own horn, but I consider myself a good friend and I want the same in return. I am honest, caring, don’t make it all about me (all of the time), I’m mostly a giver not a taker, I don’t steal, cheat, or talk too much behind people’s backs…..well, nothing that I wouldn’t say to their faces….. I find it hard to have “real” friends. I have lots of so-called friends and friends that I like going out with, but when it comes to having a heart-to-heart down to the root of the matter, not many friends that I would share all of my secrets, my worries, my fears, my happiness, or my quality time with…. When I hear the expression “the world doesn’t revolve around you”, my thought is… actually MY world does revolve around me. I am always in the center of it. I live with myself 24/7 and I want to keep number one happy as much as possible. …. That does not mean that I have to be, nor am I, conceded, vain, or think that I am better than everyone else that I come into contact with. It does mean however, that I’m not going to take the time to be ‘best friends” with someone who is not going to give as much as the receive. I’m not going to be friends with someone who uses me and abuses me, just so I can have a certain social status or not feel alone. To me, it’s just not worth it.
I can’t help but think, that maybe I’m too bossy, or mean or something, probably just a little too full of myself. I know my super coolness is intimidating. : ) I know that maybe I should be a little more lenient with my “requirements”( and I use that word lightly) The truth is though, every time that I stray away from what I expect, I seem to be hurt in the long run because something was done that shouldn’t have been done by someone who was supposed to be a friend. I know this is true of most all relationships be it between friends, spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends, or even siblings and family. No one person is perfect, but I think that people should strive to be the best that they possibly are capable of being.
Well as you can imagine, It’s even harder to make friends after being burned. I’m off-put easily. I don’t trust well…and it takes me a long time to let people in. I try to forgive easily, but I never forget once I have been wronged.
That being said, I have this friend that I went to school with. We met in the fourth grade and instantly became best buddies. We were inseparable until high school. The summer before our junior year our friendship began to dwindle, we started spending more time with other friends, and less with each other. We could tell that it was awkward for the both of us, but neither one said anything. I didn’t like some of her friends, she didn’t like some of mine, and you know with life being so complicated with so many things to do in high school (said with sarcasm), It just didn’t seem like that big of a deal. We eventually broke away completely during that same school year, not really ever seeing each other or speaking. Thank goodness for facebook, or else we’d thought that each of us had fallen off the face of the planet. : )
Well, recently we have come back into contact. She is pregnant with her second child. A little girl. : )… I got  a hold of a mutual friend that was hosting her baby shower and asked if I could make the cake and decided to surprise her. There were lots of hugs, crying, hormones, and I miss you’s. I think you could actually see the estrogen in the air from all the crazy girly-ness going on. We made plans to see each other and have actually gone through with those plans a few times. I am so excited! I am truly blessed that God has re-entered someone into my life that I know I can trust and be great friends with. Right when I needed her the most!  I may share my lovely sad-filled somewhat depression story another time. This post is plenty long enough for now. Ending thought here, don’t let opportunities go just because it would be easier that way. I didn’t have to make her cake or offer to go out another time. But I did, and I can’t wait to completely bridge our gapped friendship with new memories along with the old ones.

Why is it that we always want what we can’t have or don’t have? Brunettes want to be blonde, people with straight hair want to have curly hair, single people want to be married, and vice versa. No one is ever fully content with EXACTLY how their lives are. I understand that the human race strives to better themselves, but how does being a blonde make you better? No offense to blondes, I do hear that you gals tend to have more fun.
Why is it though, that everything some how navigates back to the way people look, dress, and appear. I read somewhere that it takes only ten seconds to make a first impression on other people. Ten seconds, how crazy is that? Yes, I believe that people should be conscious of the way the dress, and should brush their hair and teeth and practice proper hygiene, but with those things done, why do people still strive to look exactly like Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston. Paris Hilton or one of the Kardashians. They are still just regular people like ourselves. Just dolled up and paraded in front of a camera. They are pretty, but looks really aren’t everything. No, I’m not trying to bash anyone. I love watching TV and enjoy a lot of these actresses movies, but I don’t want to be like them. I love my simple life. Being in the spot light does not phase me all that much, maybe because I’m camera shy, who knows. : )
I hate that girls today are taught to believe they have to be skinny, be pretty, cook, clean, fix cars, not complain, take care of the kids, and everything else that is supposed to be a “woman’s” job. I am old fashioned and I do, do a lot of those things, but not because that is what society has taught me. I do them because that is how I show my love towards my family and what makes me happy. I do not do them because I think I have too, or because I’m afraid that someone might not like me if I don‘t. Who really cares, you probably won’t even know that person in a few years.
You hear all the time about “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”, but almost everything I read in magazines and watch on TV is contradicting just that. How Lame! You are who you are, If you don’t like you, than change it, but if it is for someone else. Forget about it!
I know that I am not perfect. I also suffer from “the grass is always greener syndrome”. Every time that I get something that I believe to be great, the effect wears off after awhile and I want something better, newer, something updated… I love my husband but there are times I wish I was single. I love my kids, but there are times that I wish I had waited to have them. There are days that I wake up and think, man I look like one of my pillows got stuck in the back of my pants while I was sleeping.  But I just have to keep going. Not let it get me down. I know that I am strong, independent, and pretty in my own eyes and that is what counts. I try my best to be nice to everyone and I always try to think positively (not always easy). I turn to God when things are tough and I always pull through for the better!

“What the heart gives away is never gone … It is kept in the hearts of others.”
- Robin St. John

It’s no surprise that this last week has been a difficult one for a lot of Americans.  I am so blessed to have not had anyone close to me hurt in the 9/11 attacks, but I still feel affected by what happened that sad day 10 years ago. Being an American makes me proud when I stop and realize how as a nation we can all come together and have such an amazing support system. I believe that under the strength of God we can accomplish anything. Something that I think a few more people in this great country need to realize.

Not only was this week a remembrance for all the brave from 9/11, but it was also my maternal grandfathers birthday, (who passed away 9 years ago) and grandparents day was earlier this week as well. (I only have one living grandparent, who I am really not that close too.) So kind of needless to say, but it was a rather depressing week here on the home front. A lot of sitting around reminiscing on days past. Some good, some bad, but all cherished. Those memories have shaped me into the person that I am today and I hold each and every one of them dear to my heart.

Sometimes, it is painful to think about my loved ones who have passed on to a greater place. It’s like that commercial for the sour and sweet gummy candies. It starts out sour then it gets sweet. That’s how I feel when I think back to times when I still had everyone around me. It hurts at first remembering that my grandma will no longer be able to teach me all of her great recipes, and tell me how I am too slow at washing all the forks. Apparently it is ok to not wash every prong individually. Or how whenever my brothers would leave me behind to go do “boy” stuff, my grandpa would take me out to the shop to let me play with all the tools and make bird houses, because it was ok to like things that boys liked.

My favorite memories are always the ones in late fall and early winter, no surprise there, but that is when all my favorite holidays are and the most family oriented ones.  I love to cook so Thanksgiving is by far my favorite holiday and every year since my grandma has “gone home” I have cooked the Turkey. I was 13 years old. (Sorry to you vegetarians out there, but Thanksgiving is not Thanksgiving with out a turkey around here. Although it will not be any wild ones any time soon. Nasty unfortunate event with one a few years back.) I still remember all the craziness as we jammed all of our family from out of town into our house. Where the Yankees got to inner-mingle with the rednecks. We never had a dull moment and nobody could understand anyone.

Then of course, comes Christmas where every year Pop would take all four of us (my brothers and I) to pick out our tree. We had our very own little Christmas tree “garden” that we planted and watched them grow through the years. Grandma would buy all new decorations every year and we used what seemed like five pounds of tinsel. It was all over the house by the time we were done. And all the packages were wrapped up in brown packaging paper with pretty ribbons. So Rustic and simple. I loved it.

My Grandparents definitely had their faults, but they were still amazing people and I miss them very much. I owe my passion for baking to my Gram and my love for art to my Pop, so I think without them I never even would have been so happy doing cakes. Every time that I make one it always somehow reminds me of them.

I wish that they could see my kids and watch them grow and dote on them like they always did my brothers and I. I  want my kids to be able to say, “let’s go over to Gram and Pop’s for dinner, they’re the best. I bet Grandma will have cookies”. I know that they are watching from above, though. Blessing my family and me in our every day to day adventures, because whenever I have something troubling in my life it is always them that come to me in my dreams and give me the right advice and point me in the right direction. I thank God all the time that I have the wonderful group of people around me today, that I know, I will always have with me no matter what my life may have in store for me.